A Facade of Knowledgeable Ambiguity

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  Crayola crayons. The pinnacle of every child's drawing experience. (Especially the box with the built in sharpener!) I remember back in first grade when I would have time to draw and would be loving it! I loved the fact that I could place color onto a page and create something, which I thought to be, a masterpiece. Even if it was only a "color inside the lines" picture. Which by the way i could never quite do well until conformity of art hit me in about fourth or fifth grade. The fact remains, however, that for quite a while in the early stages of my "low cal." art career, everything I made was a masterpiece. I was Michelangelo, well more like a Picasso, but the heart was still there. That heart that says, "Wow, would ya look at that! I didn't know i had it in me. I must be something special." And it is in those moments when a boy needs to be affirmed; no matter what his work looks like. Moments where one can either affirm him as something worthy and able for the road of manhood that lies ahead, or can wound his heart to the point where he loses his very sense of identity.

Guys need to be affirmed by others to let them know that they have what it takes to get the job done. They need to know that they have something to give which not only benefits others but makes them feel as if they belong. Guys are longing for someone to answer the question of their hearts; "Am I a man? Can i really do this?" If a boy does not get that assurance from someone while he is in his youth, particularly his father or a dominant male figure, then by the time he is a "man" he will have created a persona that is contrary to the powerful person he was originally created to be. Too many adults have not matured because of this. Far too many men have been hurt and don't quite know how or why. A piece of the puzzle is missing and they can't quite grasp what is is. Even more tragic, they can't quite grasp who they are. A total loss of identity. A facade of knowledgeable ambiguity.

It's high time we take back our hearts men! It's about time that we become child artists again. I for one refuse to stand by and grow sick in my despair. I refuse to be taken by anything other than the life i am promised. I fight not for victory, but from it!!! We are God's creation. We are worth more than what we've been told. We are alive in Christ! WE ARE MEN!!!

Thanks for reading,
       Carlton       

Smack!...Revelation!

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  So i have had the sort of wake up call that brilliantly smacks you in the face and says what are you doing!? Who do you think you are!? Ya, not very pleasant but definitely needed. I am what the world would call blindly selfish. Being blindly selfish means basically that even though one's actions may seem good, there are hidden motives that at their very core have nothing but a spirit of pride, vanity, and utter egotistical behavior. At least in this case those are the words that would apply to me. In fact for my situation, Proverbs 16:2 comes to mind: "All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the LORD."

I have a unique flare for desiring and acquiring the attention and affirmation of others. To many, including myself, it would seem as if i was a philanthropist christian who has many talents which he loves to share with people for God's glory and the building up of others. But after a recent heavy self evaluation I am left with the pounding question of what is really motivating my decisions, and who am I truly "giving the glory" to? These questions are hard to answer because in my mind i do all that i do with the intention of bringing some sort of gain to something either in the present of the future. to illustrate my point i could use my desire to play music. I play music on worship teams, in bars, and basically any place that will let me. Now, I have my own dreams for music which are to play certain shows with certain amounts of people and release a certain amount of albums. Those dreams however need to also coincide with God's will. I can't in good faith play music that does not somehow leave the person better than i found them, or leave them thinking about something that could change the way they live. So in that area I know that Christ centered motives are best to put behind the music. But when I am up on stage i can't help at times to feel like "hey! look at me! I can play and sing pretty good huh? Please look at me!" But then I have to remember who and what I am playing for and that the flesh inside me needs be put away. See the real kicker here is that a great deal of my actions are just that. "My Actions". Though they focus upon others to some degree and may be helpful, there is a certain level of prestige that i gain in my own mind. That somehow each thing that i do for society uplifts me into this superhuman status of a guy who has it all together, can do nearly anything, and has all the answers. We all know that this is not the case. In fact I am quite far from even being remotely good. See the problem isn't that  i just want to create a perfect facade for myself (though that does play a key part) It is that I am striving to please a God who doesn't ask for it. My problem is that I don't allow grace to fully take over and just release my heart.

We have a tendency to look for wonder in our experience. A desire for others to see us and validate us as something worthy of living on this Earth. A desire to be seen as something more than just a passerby on the track of this journey through life. "It’s one thing to go through a crisis grandly, yet quite another to go through every day glorifying God when there is no witness, no limelight, and no one paying even the remotest attention to us. We tend to set up success in Christian work as our purpose, but our purpose should be to display the glory of God in human life, to live a life “hidden with Christ in God” in our everyday human conditions (Colossians 3:3). Our human relationships are the very conditions in which the ideal life of God should be exhibited." (http://utmost.org/still-human/)

So what is this saying? It is saying that my lifestyle needs a radical change! It says that i need a heart change! So how does one start? Well if one wants to find out what God says, then how about reading his word! (There's a thought) "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps." (Proverbs 16:3&9) You see, i want to love people because of who they are not what they can give me. I want to know that every action I put forth, every decision I make, is edifying God and the body of Christ. So I must ask you to bear with me while Carlton is under construction, Please pardon his mess ;) And ask yourself what I did. Where does my heart lie?

Thanks for reading,
Carlton
   

Integrity Check?

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The honor and integrity of a man can be seen in many ways. In my most recent encounter with a man of integrity I observed in him the kind of man I desire to be more and more every day. His name is Nelson Emokpae. 

Nelson is a musician who tours around to different colleges and such playing his music and inspiring the people he meets with his vivacious personality. Coming from having almost nothing but his family; Nelson moved to the United States at a young age from Nigeria. In my personal opinion it is his humble beginnings which inspire his confidence, appreciation of the small things, and above all, where he gives all credit. God. 

I met Nelson at a conference in Buffalo, NY where I was scoping out performers to come to the college I attend. He was up on stage for a short sampler of his talents; and he honestly had, for the most part, everything else the other performers had, except his countenance. The energy that came from that stage was powerful! I watched and became more and more hooked on what he was doing and saying. I analyzed everything he was doing, I had to figure out how him performing made me feel as if it was for me. I was baffled.  At the conclusion of his performance he said those three words, "God Bless You!" That's when i made up my mind to see this guy.


It was honestly quite awkward for me to stand there by his booth and wait around for him to get a free moment, as i felt like a lone stalker watching on the sidelines, but i must say it was well worth it. I started out the conversation with the common formalities of name and such. then I moved on to the question of his faith. The answer was a resounding yes! He was very adamant about his faith in God. He told me i was the second person in the past week to have told him that he had the look of Jesus on him.Nelson considered this a blessing to hear and also a sign from God that he was doing the right thing. What i got from Nelson is that from his smile to his general contagious persona, Nelson emits love. That's his secret! now I had already seen this in many other leaders i know and admire. Genuine love, passion, and interest seems to be the driving factor in how these people operate on a day to day basis. I already have made that my driving factor in almost everything i do. (though i need a lot of work in that area and constant reminders) However, i notice that at times, especially when i am tired, though i am friendly when i meet new people or talk to old friends, i have less patience and love than i should and often find myself forgetting their names or interest only moments after the conversation.So the question is, how do I keep faithful interest and retention in the people i meet and the situations i face? I Imagine that a great deal of it has to do with concentrating on the information and key points at hand. But there must be a lot more to it. What happened this morning helped shed some light on this question.

 Now Nelson came to play at my college and we shared lunch and some laughs after the show. but here is the kicker, he remembered first off my name, (which is impressive enough seeing as how he meets many people on a weekly basis) but second, he remembered what my dreams/ goals are. Now for me that made me feel special. He took the time to remember me and some things that i only briefly mentioned in a five to ten minute conversation! That to me means that either I am a person worthy of remembering, or that he cares enough about the people he encounters to remember them as people not passing fans. I would of believed he was just being nice to me because he had to until he sent me a sort email and a tweet this morning, (weeks after the show) asking how I, among other things, personally was doing! Really!? this made my day. here is a guy who is an advanced musician who has traveled around and probably been with more "important" people than I and he took the time to write me an email, follow me on twitter, and ask how i was doing.... Kinda reminds me of Jesus. Jesus could have spent his time with the greatest of men, but he chose to come to spend it with people like me, common sinners. Now that we are saved by grace, and I look at the examples around me I see more and more that, just like Nelson, it is my honor to talk to others and exude God's love to them.
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God" Ephesians 2:8
AND EVERY GOOD GIFT SHOULD BE SHARED!!!
Thanks for reading,
Carlton

   

My first post

Provocative writing is what i hope to achieve through many of my posts. If i can get the reader to think critically about even the smallest of things then i feel as if the battle is already won. In today's society there is not enough people who can truly think. Yes we are all taught what to think, what to believe, but where did we go wrong in the aspect of teaching the generations how to think?

I personally believe that a good deal of change in the education system started with the industrial revolution. Obviously it did not solely commence there; smarter people have been manipulating others for centuries. However, a good deal of what we see today is a result of the introduction of industry. But for one to understand the current situation, one must analyze its' origin.

To give a synopsis of what is going on; the first signs of industrial technology were seen in Great Britain in the mid to late 18th century. Each village before the industrial revolution had special trade jobs which were usually handed down from generation to generation. These jobs included anything from metalworking to farming. Upon the arrival of simple machines, production levels, of cotton especially, increased exponentially. People were needed to work these machines and as the machines began to improve, people were needed to maintain them. The boom in production made it cheaper to buy, produce and sell the items created. This put "trade" workers into a position where they were struggling to keep their jobs afloat. Many local tradesmen were forced out of a job and in most cases would end up working at the very factories that forced them out of a job.

Ok, so what is the point Carlton? Well my point is that for an industrialized society to perform efficiently mass amounts of people are needed to operate and maintain the machines. So how do you sucker a population into pulling a lever? Well one way is to dictate the amount of knowledge the people have. If the more affluent  members of a society could benefit from the lack of people questioning the systems imposed on them then why would they not try everything in their power to create such a reality? Have you ever thought that you are not learning what you need to learn in school? That history, math, science or english classes seem to hold no relevance to you if you. Well all of those classes are very important and actually necessary for one to be well-rounded individual, but here's the catch, people, first off, learn at different capacities. That very fact alone means that if you are having problems in one area but Johny or Suzie aren't, DON"T WORRY ABOUT IT! Take your time in learning what you need to because in the long run, it is your knowledge, passions and your beliefs that will define what you do, who you are, and how much of a legacy you leave behind for people. Secondly, you need to develop effective ways of learning and retaining relevant and practical knowledge. In order to think critically you need to start at the very core of what you think and believe and ask yourself why is it that you think such things are "correct" or "good". Question everything be it your faith or why two plus two really does equal four! If i could get humans to habitually do three things through my writing, it would be:
                                                      1.) To leave others better than you found them.
                                                      2.) THINK CRITICALLY!!!
                                                      3.) Love everyone. (it get's easier with time)